


Breaking

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AH - Freeform, Angst, Cheating, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships, idk - Freeform, kind of, this fic is super scattered idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:18:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Here,” he snaps, and digs through his pocket until he feels that velvet box that cost him almost an entire paycheck. And for what? The thing is fucking useless now, sitting inside a container that Levi can’t bring himself to open.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking

“I had sex with Mike.”

It was as simple as that. Erwin is straightforward, and this isn’t going to be any different. He’s not going to lie to Levi, make excuses, try to turn it around on him. He got too drunk, and let Mike fuck him. No matter what way he looks at it, he cheated. He fucked up, he threw his entire relationship into the garbage, and ran over Levi’s feelings with a bulldozer.

That’s not to say that his stomach isn’t clenching bad enough to make him want to puke all over his own shoes, or that the look on Levi’s face doesn’t want to make him hang himself right then and there.

“It was stupid. It was so, so fucking stupid, Levi,” Erwin rambles, not even daring to look the smaller man in the eyes. He knows Levi’s upset by the way he leans forward in his chair, arms crossed on the granite countertop. Then again, who wouldn’t be? “I don’t remember anything, Mike told me what happened in the morning,” he adds, as if that will do him any good.

It was Erwin who had time and time again questioned Levi’s trust. It was Erwin who had gotten jealous over Levi’s friendship with Eren, an intern at their company.

Normally, Levi would fall into Erwin’s arms. He would curse and scream and cry while the blond rubbed circles on his back. “Erwin, what the fuck,” he sputters, not sure that the words are even his own. His heart clenches, tightening, cutting off his lungs, his throat. He can’t breathe. He tries to gasp for breath, and that turns out to be a mistake.

Instead of air, he coughs, and a dry sob crawls from his throat.

In between them, Levi’s favorite cup lays broken on the counter, tea crawling to the edges down the cabinets, onto the floor. “I _trusted_ you, Erwin.” It’s all so surreal, Erwin’s words, the painful weight on his chest.

He never thought this would happen to him. Not with Erwin, not like this.

“I know. I know, Levi, I’m so sorry,” he groans, burying his head in his hands. “It was wrong, awful, I’m sorry.”

Those “sorry” ’s, those desperate apologies were meaningless, falling on Levi’s closed ears.

He stares at Erwin, what else can he do? His mind can't process fast enough, can’t think of anything to say. 

“I…I need space. I don’t know what to say.”

Finally, he gets up, and walks towards the bathroom. His skin is crawling, he needs to shower, needs hot water, needs to be clean.

Erwin doesn’t understand that. He grasps Levi’s wrist, gentle, like the man is fragile. Right now, that isn’t too far of a guess, and he finally looks his lover in the eyes. Those beautiful, azure eyes are red, welling up with tears, and for the first time, Levi couldn’t care less.

“What can I do?”

Levi stares, eyes wide, but so, so dead. “Let go of me.”

On his way to the shower, Levi leaves his mess on their countertop, forgotten. 

~~

It’s bad that Mike, Erwin, and Levi are all close friends. It’s horrific that they share the same place of employment and most extracurricular activities. 

Levi brings the interns out for lunch as an excuse not to see Erwin, and when Eren makes a joke about the mark on the blond’s neck, the older man snaps, telling him to “Shut the fuck up if he knows what’s good for him.” 

He’s positive that Armin will figure it out, but he doesn’t need Jaegar to run his mouth all over the office.

Erwin, meanwhile, knows Levi won’t react vengefully. He’s never been the type to do something purely out of spite, and he’s so uncomfortable around most people that he wouldn’t even imagine sleeping with someone else. 

What he does, though, is even worse.

“Levi, I’m heading home,” Erwin calls out, opening the door to the smaller man’s office. Instead of being packed up and ready to go, Levi has a fresh cup of coffee, and he’s perched in his chair, frantically writing email after email over the budget plans. “Levi?”

“I’m staying late.”

“You’ve stayed late the last four nights.” 

“I’ve got work to do.” Levi glances to the side, and the first thing he sees is those awful black circles under Erwin’s eyes. “You’re exhausted. Don’t wait for me.”

“Levi, even _I_ don’t have that much work.”

“I’ve got work to do,” the man repeats, and Erwin sighs.   
“Come on, Levi. You need to get some rest.”  
“And you need to get out of my office.” He’s cool, as bitter as he had been the day Erwin first met him. He never realized how much they had affected each other until Levi snapped back into his shell, reverted to the man he had been all those years ago. Cold, guarded. “Come on, stop wasting my time.”

“Do you want me to bring you dinner?”

“Don’t bother. Hanji’s getting takeout.”

Erwin nods—that’s all he _can_ do—and he sees himself out.

This continues on for weeks, and sometimes, Levi doesn’t even return home. Erwin has no idea if he sleeps at Hanji’s or if he just stays at the office, but he wakes up to a cold bed and dead silence throughout their—maybe now _his_ —house.

“Levi, we need to talk about this,” Erwin says one day when he finally catches Levi coming home. It’s almost eleven at night, and they both have to be up in a few hours, but to hell with that. Any time with Levi can’t be wasted, and he goes to grab his lover by the shoulders and sit him down.

Levi dodges the grasp, and goes to the fridge to grab a chilled bottle of wine. “I’m going out.”  
“With who?”

“Not your business.”

“Levi, this is getting ridiculous.”

“I’m a busy man,” he responds coolly, eyes practically burning a hole through the blond’s skin.

_What the fuck_. He’s never been like this. So apathetic, withdrawn. He pops the cork off and takes a long swig, some of the wine dribbling down his chin and onto his black t shirt. 

“Are you driving?”

“Who cares?” Levi hums, warmth blooming in his chest. He needs this, he needs to loosen up and get to a point where his fingers tingle and he can’t feel his face. 

“ _Levi_.”

“Hanji’s picking me up,” he finally says.

“That’s even worse!”

“Oh, _excuse me_ , worse than what?” Levi snaps. “At least they know enough not to shove their cock halfway up my ass!” He doesn’t know where this flash of rage came from, but the words are out of his mouth, stabbing at Erwin in whatever way they can.

And it works.

The blond flinches, but his face twists, and that same rage laces through his veins. “Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking _prick_ , none of this would have happened!” He knows that isn’t true, he knows it is, but Levi’s rage escalates so quickly that neither of them have time to think. The match was lit, and the gasoline had caught fire.

The next thing Erwin registers is a blur of glass flying by his head, and the wine bottle shattering against the wall, sending droplets of red all over the hardwood floor and their wooden dining room table. 

“Well I’m sorry that I’m not _good enough_ for you!” Levi shouts. “ _My_ trust was never good enough. _My_ excuses were never good enough. _My_ personality was always short of what you wanted. Is that right, Erwin? Is that what you fucking think?” His voice goes from steady to absolutely frantic, overwhelmed by his whirring head, the exhaustion from work, and Erwin’s dumbfounded fucking face. “God, piss the _fuck_ off!” 

“Levi, I didn’t—“

“What, you didn’t _mean_ it? You didn’t _mean_ to break my heart and fucking shove everything I’ve ever done back in my face like it was _nothing_?” 

“Levi, please,” Erwin groans. He keeps digging himself deeper, and he knows he is. 

This could be it. Levi could leave him right here and never come back.

The thought of it makes him sick.

“ _Please_ , what?” Levi snaps. “You want me to get back on your dick like nothing ever fucking happened?”

No, no, things aren’t supposed to be like this. It kills Levi, to fight with Erwin. He can smell wine throughout the whole kitchen, but he’s angry, so fucking angry. He’d throw something else at the blond if it was within his reach, but he’s frozen in place, teeth bared and ready for a fight.

So he does something he knows he’ll regret. “Here,” he snaps, and digs through his pocket until he feels that velvet box that cost him almost an entire paycheck. And for what? The thing is fucking useless now, sitting inside a container that Levi can’t bring himself to open

“What—“ Before the entire sentence even has a chance to come out, Levi whips the thing at him, hitting him square in the chest.

“I don’t fucking want it. Take your shitty ring and give it to Mike, give it to anyone. Fuck, I don’t fucking care,” Levi hisses, but those words face in his throat, and all he can feel is the clenching of his lungs while he tries to breathe.

He’s going to lose it. He’s strong, but he isn’t this strong. Already, regret laps at his thoughts. _You shouldn’t have done that_ , he says over and over, but it’s too late, and Erwin stares at the thing with eyes blown wide and a tense jaw.

“Levi, what is this?”

“I was going to fucking _marry_ you! What the fuck isn’t there to get?” There’s no fight left in him. There’s no screaming, no shouting. Just harsh words and an exhausted voice. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and where’s that all supposed to fit in now?”

“We still can, Levi,” Erwin says weakly, holding the box unopened in his hands. “We can still make it work.”

“I don’t want to propose to you like this.” The words come out as a harsh whine, desperate, lost. 

The mist in Levi’s eyes is enough to make Erwin’s heart stop. Oh, he feels awful. The ring sits so heavily in his hand, he can’t bear to open its case. Levi slumps against the refrigerator, helpless. “What am I supposed to do, Erwin?” Levi sobs, but tears never fall from his eyes.

He lets Erwin hold him in his arms, sobbing into the blond’s chest, searching for any sort of comfort he can get. “It’s okay, Levi. It’s going to be okay,” Levi hears Erwin whisper over and over, and all he can do is sit limply in his boyfriend’s grasp, throat burning and eyes puffy, like he’s a child.

Levi calls Hanji and tells them not to come, and lets Erwin tuck him into bed. He doesn’t want to. The blankets trap him, crushing his body, strangling him. He hears the blond cleaning up their mess in the kitchen, and buries his face in his pillow. 

He knows this won’t last, neither of them can put up with this forever.

~

Levi tries to make things better. He thinks that maybe, if he forces himself through it, things will be fine. The pain will dull down, and time will make him forgive.

That doesn’t stop him from downing a few shots before he even tries anything.

He pushes Erwin down onto their bed, mouth working harshly against the blond’s. That usual kindness is gone, replaced with feral need and lust. 

“Levi, I love you.”

He convinces himself that the swell in his chest is excitement, desire. Levi rolls his hips against Erwin’s, feeling his length press against his lover’s thigh. “Oh, _fuck_ ,” he groans, eyes fluttering shut. “Fuck, Erwin, make me feel good.”

And he does. He yanks Levi’s pants down to his ankles and takes his length down his throat, tongue lapping at the underside of his cock. 

Levi shivers, hands tangling in his lover’s hair. 

It’s good, everything’s perfect. He keeps repeating it over and over, bucking his hips as that all too familiar heat coils in his lower abdomen. 

So many things flash in front of his eyes that his reaction is automatic. “ _Get off of me,”_ Levi hisses suddenly, frantically pushing Erwin so hard that the blond nearly tumbles off of the bed. 

Mike. Erwin between his knees, sucking him off, pleasuring him the same way he does Levi. “Shit. _Shit_.” He pulls his legs up to his chest, hiding himself, and Erwin sits up, hair a mess and mouth hung open without a thought as to what he’s supposed to do.

Levi feels ridiculous, absolutely naked and curled up on his bed, but Erwin doesn’t say a thing. He sits next to the smaller man, rubbing circles on his back, and using his free hand to pull blankets up over the two of them. 

“You’re forcing it,” Erwin eventually murmurs, staring at his feet.

“Yeah.” Levi rolls over and flicks the bedside light off.

~~

Levi spends all of his time either at work, the bar, or at Hanji’s.

It’s been three weeks since Levi’s slept in their bed, and his engagement ring sits unopened on the bedside table, mocking him, watching as he tries to lull himself to sleep.

Erwin pulls Levi’s pillow to his chest, brandy thick in his stomach, and he sobs into the sheets. It’s cold, so fucking cold despite all of the blankets. Misery clutches at his chest, makes it hard to breathe. 

“ _Take your shitty ring and give it to Mike.”_

It plays over and over, and what gets him isn’t the malice in Levi’s voice—that’s something he’s been used to for years. It was the utterly raw pain that glassed over his eyes, the terror, the loss.

Levi is terrified of the unknown. He’s set in his ways with Erwin, and it’s been the same for years.

And those years were the best of Erwin’s life.

He looks at that awful, godforsaken ring, and prays to whatever deity out there that Levi will come back to him.

~~

“I think I should move out.”

Erwin shouldn’t be surprised by Levi’s statement, but it hits him in the gut, making his stomach clench and turn over and over. God, he wants to throw up. This is wrong, so fucking wrong.

Levi is the man he’s supposed to be with. He won Levi’s heart, his affection, his trust. 

“Please don’t.” Is all Erwin says. What more can he do? 

The smaller man doesn’t budge. He doesn’t have room in his heart to. His chest aches, and he doesn’t want to do this. Erwin is his everything, his lover, his best friend. He doesn’t _want_ to be alone. Still, he hardens his heart, dulls his emotions, and shakes his head. “Then leave for tonight,” he says. It isn’t a suggestion, and that’s the most he can waiver. Erwin can’t be here, or he can’t be here. There’s no in-between, and no more of himself that he can put out on the line.

He doesn’t hate Erwin, he can’t bring himself to that point. But it hurts. He wants to cry, to scream, to punch someone’s face in. And most likely, if the two of them stay here, that someone will be Erwin.

“Please, Erwin. Just go.”

And he does.

~~

Levi’s eyes snap open when he hears the loud, almost unreal sound of someone knocking on his door. _Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding_. “

Levi sighs, dragging himself out of bed at the knock on his door. He has half a thought to just leave it, to just let himself go to bed, because after all, tomorrow is his only day off, and he wants to get a fucking decent night’s sleep for once. 

That being said, he dreads that Hanji will be at the door. Levi knows full well, if that’s the case, that his windows will be fair game if he doesn’t answer. 

The knocking gets louder, more panicked, and he rolls his eyes. Fucking hell. “Hanji, it’s two in the fucking morning, what the absolute fucking—“ 

Nile stands in the doorway, nothing short of _exhausted_ , and Levi’s words sink back down into his throat. That’s when he sees Erwin hanging off of him, barely responsive, eyes and face a patch red. 

Levi can’t believe how pathetic he looks. The bags under his eyes are puffy, irritated like he’s kept rubbing at his face, and he narrows his eyes at Nile for an explanation. “We went out for a couple drinks,” he said, and Levi rolled his eyes, moving to the side to let the two men in. He was pissed, fucking pissed as hell, but he was sure Nile wasn’t sober enough to get here in the first place, and as bitter as he was, he wasn’t about to let Erwin eat shit like this. The blond collapses onto the couch, eyes fixated on Levi, but he doesn’t say a thing

“What happened?” Levi groans, exasperated, exhausted. Fear licks at his stomach, and for a second, he wonders if Mike had been with him. Guilt comes next, for thinking of something like that while the two of them are so clearly distressed. “How much did he drink?”

“I coul’ have ‘nother shot,” he hears Erwin slur, and he shakes his head. Fucking stupid.

“Drink any more, and you can go to the hospital on your own to get your stomach pumped,” Levi snaps. “Start talking, Nile.”

The other man seems drunk, yes, but nothing near where the blond is, who seems completely unaware of who’s around him, or where he is. “He drank way too much.”

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose. He should have let them keep knocking, should have let them pass the fuck out on the lawn. “No fucking shit, Nile. Why does he look like he got hit by a truck?” 

Nile blinks slow, trying to form his words, still thinking a few seconds after Levi spoke. Obviously, it wasn’t just Erwin that had had a few too many. “

“Do you want to sleep on the couch,” Levi offers. He knows Nile will go home far before he wakes up, and it’s no inconvenience to him—after all, he isn’t about to spend his whole night conversing with Erwin’s friend.

“I miss’d you,” Erwin eventually slurs, falling against Levi before either of them can stop him. “I wish you came w’th me,” 

Levi sighs, ignoring the look that Nile is no doubt giving him. “I’ll take care of him from here.”

“ ‘m fine.”

“Uhuh. Let’s go upstairs.”

“ d’ you wan’ me to go ou’side?” Erwin spews, and Levi has to strain his ears to understand.

“No, Erwin. Go upstairs.”

“W’ll you come too?” 

“Yes, love, I’ll meet you up there.” He forces the words to come out of his mouth sweet—there’s no reason to get the blond worked up now.” 

When he hears Erwin hit the top of the stairs, he spins around to face Nile. “The fuck were you thinking, bringing him back here? I fucking _kicked him out_.”

Nile holds his hands up. “Look, he cried, and he wouldn’t fucking quit it ’til I drove him here. What was I supposed to do?”

“Fucking useless,” Levi groans, cracking his shoulders. “It’ll be fine. Go to sleep or some shit.”

Levi trudges up the stairs to his bedroom. He smells whisky all through the house, and it makes his head spin. Did he go out with Mike? How the hell had the two of them ended up here? He prayed that Nile’s car was still in one piece, if they had even taken his car over.

“Puke on me, and you’re sleeping outside,” Levi says as soon as the door’s open, but he’s soft. He sits Erwin down in bed, and unbuttons his shirt mechanically, like’s done so many times before, and yanks his pants off. He half expects Erwin to yank him into bed, to try and touch him and take his clothes off too. Instead, the blond stays still, hands at his sides, eyes glazed over. 

“ ‘m sor’y,” Erwin slurs, reaching out and clinging to Levi’s shirt. He holds him awkwardly, unaware of his own movements or where he’s trying to grasp. “y’re slee’ing.”

“Shut up and get in bed,” Levi breathes out, trying to push the hands off of him. They don’t budge, and he shuts his eyes for a moment to compose himself. Absolutely pathetic. He knows he can’t kick Erwin out. He can hold one hell of a grudge, he can’t stand to think of having sex, but he’s not _that_ much of an asshole. “Come on, Erwin, stop fucking around.”

“ ‘re beauti’ul,” Erwin hiccups, and his eyes start to water all over again. The hiccups turn into soft sobs, and that same, familiar pang hits Levi right in his heart. 

“Oh, Erwin, _stop_ ,” he breathes out, desperate, begging. “You need to go to sleep.”

The blond shakes his head, pulling Levi close. He reeks of whisky and sweat, but Levi stays there, face buried in the blond’s shirt. “ ‘re gon’ leave.”

If Erwin wasn’t incoherent before, he was nothing short of it now.

“Erwin, _please_.” He doesn’t need the blond making this harder than in needs to be, but the man is shaking, curled around Levi like his life depends on it, and he eventually settles on pushing forward, sending Erwin toppling onto the mattress. “Please don’t do this.”

“You’re th’ best thin’ thas ever happen to me,” Erwin chokes out, full blown sobbing, tears re streaking his face.

It’s pathetic, to watch a drunk man cry. Tears fall from the corners of his eyes, mixing with mucus and got knows what else. He smears his face with his arm, and Levi sighs. No point in trying to drag his drunk as into the shower.

“I threw ’t all away, ‘m _sorry_ ,” he whimpers, and Levi sighs. What can he say? That Erwin’s right, that he _did_ , all things considered, horribly fuck up?

_Help me_.

It doesn’t matter now—he’s sure the blond isn’t absorbing anything he’s saying. The man’s too far gone, too deep in his ditch of self loathing, flopped carelessly on top of their blankets. Levi shoves him over, and pulls himself under the covers.

Seeming to catch the hint, the blond sloppily follows him. “Go to sleep, Erwin.” Still, all he can hear is sniffling and soft sobbing behind him. 

“ ‘re gonna leave,” he repeats, and Levi squeezes his eyes shut. 

_This is awful_.

“I’m not going to leave,” he finally says. Is that true? Who fucking knows, he’s sure Erwin won’t remember by tomorrow either way. Levi’s tired, so _fucking_ tired. “You can hold me, Erwin.”

That much, he seems to understand. He drapes an arm around Levi’s waist, the other making it’s way under the smaller man’s head. He’s gentle, so gentle, and Levi presses his face into his shoulder. 

“Gi’ me a kiss g’night,” Erwin pleads, and Levi freezes. 

_Ah._

It’s not a big deal, it’s just a kiss, but his stomach drops as he wiggles up to plant his lips against the blond’s. It’s the same as it always is. Erwin’s tongue swipes over his bottom lip, sucking at the flesh. 

“Go to sleep,” Levi says, not knowing anymore if he’s saying it more to the blond or to himself. He settles back against Erwin’s shoulder, closing his eyes and trying to block out all of the memories, fears, and disappointment.

_I’m happy. I’m happy like this. Things are fine, aren’t they?_ Levi keeps telling himself over and over. Bullshit. His eyes sting, and his nose tingles like he’s been punched. God, he fucking hates crying. 

Erwin’s not wearing a shirt, and he knows the blond can feel tears sliding onto his skin.

“You’re crying,” Erwin manages to get out relatively coherently. “ ’s my fault.”

“No,” Levi lies, and shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

Levi knows, when it comes down to it, that he doesn’t want to be alone. Erwin loves him, Erwin wants him, and that’s better than trying to find someone else.

Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

“I love you.” 

Levi exhales a shaky breath, but it only makes the weight on his chest heavier. “Yeah. I love you too.”

“D’ you?” 

“Go to sleep, Erwin.”

He’s a fool, and he knows he is.

 

**Author's Note:**

> First thing I've posted in what feels like forever aha  
> Ifeel like this is super scattered, and it could be a lot better, but at least it's something I guess? :'D  
> Feel free to pop by my tumblr: shingekinowaifu.tumblr.com


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